One of the most frightening things for me has been wondering if the people that have been a part of my life would be able to love me through my own process. I honestly did not know, but I knew that I could not continue the way I was… denying my own journey. I wanted people to know that I had some major life issues that I was working through… that it was my turn to need someone. I hoped that the empathy that I had extended to others would be extended to me. I wanted someone to cry with me, like I had cried with so many, to encourage me and walk with me through my dark hours.
Then I thought about this…
Sometimes I think we have a notion that if we love people in a certain way then they will understand that is how we desire to be loved and love us back that way. It may seem like common since knowledge, but…
What if God called us into people’s lives to serve a purpose that they would not ever be able to fulfill in ours?
What if we have been successful at touching lives and people so far because we are flowing in our natural gifts of hospitality, wisdom, service, teaching, encouragement, mercy or benevolence?
But… what if God was going to use different people to pour into us, than those we have poured into?
Wow… that kinda shatters a lot of theories I have based my life upon, but then again, God is God and he knows what we need…right?
I mean then, is there no relational intimacy except in marriage and blood relations?
Or is there still an inner circle of people that God has called into your life – your spiritual family – that goes deeper than mere flesh and blood?
And how is that bond created? Is it through familiarity…? Or time…?
Is it something that connects on the inside of you where you both just know it’s there?
Or… could it be that it is in ADVERSITY that you find out who your inner circle – your family -actually is?
I have cried out many times…
“O God!!! Define these people in my life. I realize that people can not take me where they have never been. Help me understand what is happening in this season. Help me to see clearly. I will wait for You to speak to me… to move for me… I do not want to be crushed again. I really need You, Lord, to pour into me. I won’t try to tell you how to do it, but I will expect You to do something! PLEASE, HELP MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!”
I waited and waited and waited for GOD.
At last he looked; finally he listened.
He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud.
He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn’t slip.
He taught me how to sing the latest God-song,
A praise-song to our God.
More and more people are seeing this:
They enter the mystery, abandoning themselves to GOD.
(Psalm 40:1-3, Message Bible)