“Being intentional” about building traditions

As home schooling parents, it was always important for our sons to understand historical context and the meanings behind places, things, and ideas. We have spent many years answering our sons’ WHY questions, and there are few times of the year that those questions are as intense as they are at holidays/holy days.

Some of the greatest discoveries have been made, cures have been found, and ideas that led to resolutions have been developed because individuals have been willing not only to ask WHY, but also WHY NOT. We encourage our sons to be critical thinkers and to ask questions about whatever does not seem to make sense to them. If we do not know the answer or have an answer that quenches their curiosity then we explore those topics together.

We came to one of those moments during this year’s Passover/Resurrection/Easter time.

The emergence of Spring overlaps various traditions to create a composite of celebrations. It is similar during the Winter holiday season when Jewish Hanukkah, Christian Christmas, and [pagan] Winter Solstice coincide. (Note: Pagan is used by some to refer to any religious practices and beliefs that are not a part of the world’s main religions).

At Passover/Resurrection/Easter, there are remembrances for the Jewish Passover that commemorates the Israelites’ emancipation from the Egyptians; the Christian Death/Burial/Resurrection of Christ; and [pagan] Easter celebrations named after Eostre/Eastre/Oestre, the Goddess of Spring representing fertility and new birth during Spring Solstice. Our family had a really interesting conversation about how the bunny rabbit became a part of the festivities. You can read about that here. The author offers this summary:

Easter eggs, the Easter Bunny, the dawn that arrives with resurrection of life, and the celebration of spring all serve to remind us of the cycle of rebirth and the need for renewal in our lives. In the history of Easter, Christian and pagan traditions are gracefully interwoven.

A Facebook friend mentioned attending church last Sunday where they would emphasize all three observances. Some churches observe Passover and have Easter egg hunts with a bunny rabbit and take pictures with the kids in their brand new outfits carrying Easter baskets full of candy. To each his or her own. It’s all so interesting…

I have been thinking about the diverse interpretations of these traditions. I said to myself again (just as I had done during the Winter holidays), “Drea, people are just kinda celebrating whatever they feel like… however they feel like. What will the Little Masons be doing this year?” Gene and I have been considering the legacy we are leaving to our sons around beliefs and traditions. We want to make sure that our family’s observances are intentional and serve a purpose toward our larger goals for legacy with our sons.

So we went to the labyrinth in our city.

Labyrinths are pretty amazing. They have been used to symbolize the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ since well before the 5th century BC when the Greek historian, Herodotus, gave an eye witness account of the Egyptian labyrinth of Pharaoh Amenemhet III from the 19th century BC. Though this site has met the fate of many other locations that have been pillaged and plundered across the primogenitor continent, it was described as being a structure whose wonder eclipsed that of the Pyramids at Giza.

Our local labyrinth is located outside of a church in our city, but that morning it was not an ideal situation. When we got to the labyrinth, we saw there were areas that were flooded. The guys had on gym shoes, but I had not worn shoes equipped to handle water. We could not NOT do it just because there was water though, right? I decided I would try to walk where I could and walk on the stones when the water became too high. Eventually, I took my shoes off to maneuver the labyrinth more easily.

Labyrinths are fun to make on paper, walls… anywhere…

Most often, the labyrinth is intended to be a place of quiet contemplation, meditation, and prayer. It was that for us, but it was so much more. It became a teaching time about life… Understanding the challenges involved in making a journey and the triumph that comes with completing it; how we can feel like we are close to God, but still have to journey to connect at the Source; how we can feel so far away from the Divine, while being only a few steps away…

Our journey through the labyrinth wasn’t quiet. There were moments when we were sharing our thoughts or encouraging each other. At one point Andreu said to me (I was the last to approach the center of the labyrinth), “Keep going, Mom, you are almost there.” All I could manage was, “I am? Thank you, Andreu… I was starting to wonder when I would get there…”  I told him that was exactly what I do for women as a birth mentor and doula as they are journeying into motherhood through birth.

Personally, I was at a place where I had begun to regret my suggestion to walk through the waterlogged labyrinth and was irritated that it was not as AMAZING as I had fantasized it would be when we planned it.

The guys all seemed to be getting “revelations” about the water. Gene mentioned how our perspective about the water would shape whether we saw it as a challenge or something that provided the opportunity for cleansing or renewal. All of them had something “insightful” to say about the water… But I was not impressed, because they all had on gym shoes… I was walking with bare feet.

At a certain point, I told Gene, “I keep hearing one of our songs, ‘When you go through the water, and through the flood you will not drown, when you go through the fire, remember I’ll always be with you…'” I started singing it as I walked… As I got closer to Gene I heard music for I Will Be With You. He had found the song on iTunes and handed his phone off to me with a quiet cheer, “Go, Momma, Go…” as he walked away.

Was it that obvious to my guys that I needed some inspiration and encouragement? I continued to walk, avoiding the water when I could… I mean, you never know what’s in the water, right?  As that thought and others like it were rolling through my mind, I heard a question that turned into a rebuke from within:

What has happened to you? You are the little girl who ran around with bare feet on red dirt roads in Alabama. You all walked those roads at night without fear of anything. You swam in a lake with frogs, lily pads, and dragonflies for a swimming pool during your summers. You are the woman who was not scared to do something different and stand out, even when you stood alone. You resigned from your job to home school your children even when on lookers suggested you were not being a helpful wife because you were not using your education to “help” your husband support the family financially. When people said you would surely cause damage to your sons by not allowing them to experience “real life” as black boys you continued to follow your inner promptings. You followed your intuition even when there was no road map laid out for you or tangible proof of your actions leading to inevitable success in the future. You have always been willing to take the plunge and step out into deep situations into the unknown. And look at how I have taken care of you. Look how you have been sustained. Why are you so afraid now? Get off the stones and walk through the water…”

The song was still playing in my ear and I was in tears… My fear of the water was reflecting internal fears I have been dealing with about other situations in my life.

Andreu had already finished and exited the labyrinth, but asked if he could take his shoes off and walk the rest of the way with me. His intuitive soul and keen spirit reminded me of ME and was inspiration for the rest of my journey through the labyrinth.

Gene always admonishes people to “be intentional.” We have such gratitude for the sons we have been blessed to steward and nurture toward adulthood. We are always humbled by the work involved in parenting and preparing them for the world they will have to navigate. It was fulfilling to hear their thoughts about our newest family experience.



DOULA QUADS - Analysis (2)

Anyone who has been a doula for any amount of time knows that “DOULA” can mean different things to different people.

Most agree that a doula provides educational, emotional, and physical non-medical support for women during pregnancy, labor/birth and postpartum. There is also a general consensus that doulas help women feel EMPOWERED in birth. Still, the motivations behind why doulas commit to birth support and the ways that support is carried out are vast and diverse.

We draw our perspectives from our backgrounds which are made up of our “experiences, exposure, education and expertise.” That means that no two doulas are likely to perceive doula work in exactly the same way. We are each as unique as our fingerprints, with diverse beliefs about what is most important to focus on in our doula work.

After observing the differences in the ways that doulas refer to their work, I have noticed four primary paradigms that involve:

  • Provoking change through ACTIVISM in birth awareness and proactivity against unnecessary practices
  • Reviving the SISTERHOOD by sharing information, and passing along traditions, practices, and beliefs about birth
  • Supporting through SERVICE that meets a need that women have to be supported during childbirth.
  • Preserving the PROFESSION by emphasizing qualifications, accountability, and relationship to medical professionals

The image above is called DOULA QUADS and is used to consider each paradigm or model independently. The boxes suggest, as some doulas do, that doulas can only model a single behavior with regards to their doula work. Still, others resist the notion that they should be confined to any description, while acknowledging that their actions are most likely to mirror the needs of individuals they are supporting.

Doula Venn Diagram  - Gradient (2)The Venn diagram shows these perspectives in their complex realities. Seldom does any individual doula operate from a perspective that does not involve more than one single paradigm or model. While we may have a strong preference toward a single paradigm, there may be other areas we overlap into that create our individual and unique DOULA PERSPECTIVES.

I have become more and more intrigued about the motivations that people express for their doula work, but have found little research that investigates it. While there are sure to be other doula perspectives, these are very prominent in doula culture. I have decided study this area of DOULA PERSPECTIVES more closely and I would appreciate your input.

If you have 5 – 10 minutes, complete the DOULA PERSPECTIVES Survey and add your perspective about this topic. And if you have any additional thoughts about this topic or the survey, please share them in the comment section below.